The Goddess Within wears a Crown

My lack of posts these past few days was brought to you by the power of University assignment writing! Ugh! Don't get me wrong, I love studying, and I get all giddy when I learn something new like I have done recently on my counselling module. But the freedom it takes from you is super ouchy! However...

Day Six:  Today I wake up with a giddy excitement because the assignment is well and truly done!! YAY! I sent it off last night to my tutor for marking after spending far too much time ensuring my referencing was done correctly (referencing seriously is pants - and not good ones either!). So today I am free to play! Free to dance! Free to exercise my booty off, and free to hang out in my new hood - The Glitterhood with amazeballs of people ; Applause for GlitterHood sisters!

It is soooooo liberating to finally be able to attempt some art and creativeness! I can read my books, and write my journal, and do my thing that makes me feel all kinds of super-woman like! I actually feel like ... now don't you laugh at me ... I feel like I have been re-born! I've cleared my life of all the things that left me feeling "meh" and have threw myself into the deep end of things, groups and people that make me feel..."Super-Goddess-Sparklelicious-awesome rockin'- empowered-sexy smart powerful - entrepreneuress like"!

Focusing on ME and what makes me sparkle has really begun to pay off freakin' awesomely! I've stopped doing things that I think and feel people expect me to do and I've started listening to that damn sexy voice inside that is my inner Goddess! I feel more empowered in my life coaching, more in tune, tapped in, turned on, sexy, sassy, smart, and divine! I feel free to be ME!

My Journey in Kabbalah & Life

Well I had better tell you what's been happening in my life in the past month. Writing it down might help me process it.

I've been on a rollercoaster journey in my relationship with my man. It was a nightmare. Not his fault, all mine. I accept full responsibility for everything that happened. Im not going to go into depth about it, it's far too personal. Needless to say, the past week or so has called me to really look at my life.

As you will be aware I have hardly blogged this year, in all honesty I haven't had the time to blog which breaks my heart. I have had less time to practice Wicca and something I am quite fond of is Moon Magick and Candle Magick. They too have been neglected. Actually the only part of my life that hasn't been neglected has been my work at the school, which has of course caused *imbalanced* areas in my life. :( This makes me sad!

Well, over the weekend My man & I went shopping for Yule/Christmas and I came across some books in a bookstore. He knows me well enough to not let me pass one by without browsing. He purchased a book on crystals for me that I haven't got which now lives at the side of the bed at his place, for when Im there. The other book that caught my eye was called "Total Kabbalah" by Maggy Whitehouse.

Now Kabbalah is a topic that I've heard about, witnessed in the media with the likes of The Beckhams and Madonna, but I've never actually read about it other than a quick read of a website page where I was introduced to the *Power of Money*. It encouraged us to actively question "Who or what gives *money* power over us?" After all it is merely paper and metal.... what if I gave you a blank piece of paper or even drew on it that it was a million pound/dollar note... would you believe me? Why or Why not? Its still paper.... !!! I loved this terminolgy and viewpoint.

Anyway, I spent a few sessions reading this kabbalah book and what ive read so far (which is minimal!) has really struck a chord with me. It's offering me a way to address, focus and find the areas in my life that are stuck and *fix* them. Now I know I don't need the permission from *kabbalah* or any other belief/life system to sort out my life, but at the minute with how *low* I am feeling, Kabbalah is giving me the strength to move forward. I have a new awareness and fresh perspective on life. I've ordered me some additional books on Kabbalah too, so Im looking forward to those arriving, and having a read. Im particularly looking forward to *God Wears Lipstick*.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't read a few paragraphs and suddenly life is perfect, far from it! I Have lots of issues that still need to be worked on, ones you'd probably not expect me to have, but Kabbalah has given me *HOPE*. So much so I have already sent off for my *Red String*. I don't necessarily belief a piece of red string is going to protect me from harm or the evil eye, but what I do believe is that it will help me focus on my life and creating a better life for me, and my future.

I know that as I walk into 2012, the Chinese year of the Dragon, the year I was born in, I know things will change, like never before. They have to because I will be in the driving seat. And Im not interested in driving down the highway at 80MPH, but Im happy to take the country roads at 20-30MPH for a change. I am NO longer the person I was when I first started this blog, for better or for worse, but I am who I am! People grow, people change. Its only natural. People come into your life for a reason, but sometimes they don't stay. They might out of a feeling of pity or because they feel they have to. But they/you/I shouldn't feel like that, there really is no need. So I am cutting strings. I have to. I can't grow otherwise. I thank those connections for what they have shown me, taught me, given me, shared with me, I bless and release us both!

My pathway with Wicca has changed. I'm not ready to let it go completely, but I will have to try again with it. I will have to take a day at a time and try to organise my life. I also need to allow myself to attract new friends into my life. I really do have hardly any. I have spent so much of my life holding back from trusting people that many have become people I speak to. I can't say that there is one person right now who truly knows me as a friend. Life happened and we drift apart, but the only reason we have drifted is because neither of us (multiple friendships im talking about here!) have taken the time and care to stay in each others lives. Not really. It's a case of being civil and polite, but the magick is no longer there, no freiendship chemistry... this happens in life, it's happened to me before, it'll happen again. it's a sign that we're growing as spiritual beings.

So maybe my next blog will inform you of more Kabbalah updates, and perhaps some Wiccan ones too.

Love & Blessings
Aurora x

Looking to the future

Good morning my lovely's,

I'm hoping this is a happier blog post (My blog posts are rather like a very fast rollercoaster and I am more than happy to get off it now, care to join me?

Over the past few days I've been dealing with some internal issues with my own self. Today I woke up not feeling a fill of dread within me but of hope, I saw a tiny glimmer of daylight ahead and I'm hoping that I am soon out of the tunnel and into the daylight.

I realised last night that I am not the usual fun and bubbly me when I talk to my very dear friends and family and this is down to me, no one else. I realised that I'd become bogged down so heavy in green slimy *everyday* sludge that I couldn't move and couldn't see MY WORLD as it truly is. I was holding onto a memory of the past and assumed that that is the way things should be now and for always. I had come to believe that my world should stay the same...the very thing that I teach to others to Un-Believe! A little bit of pot-kettle-black I think!

So gladly I have broke through that greem slimy sludge and realised just how life and my lack of attention had changed MY WORLD within and without. I am now on day 8 of my day off from teaching at a school (I needed this break!) and I am slowly untangling the mess that I've created over the past couple of years, but more so this year in particular.

I haven't been very attentive to the relationships that matter to me most. I have let my relationship with my Mother slip due to being far too tired to even commit to normal conversation, my relationship with my Sister has become, in my opinion empty at times as I am quite simply, NEVER THERE! This saddens me so much, so so much. I love my Mother and my Sister more than life itself and to think that I have been neglecting them, ignorning them and the thought of not being there for them, quite honestly makes me feel nauseous.
The thing that bugged me the most was that I was hell bent on complaining at the changes within my relationships. Well, of course relationships are going to change!! (im saying this to myself by the way!) It's a good thing that my relationship has changed with my sister, I should embrace it! My only real concern is that as it changes we may grow too far apart :( That is my biggest fear. I know it may sound silly, but I do fear that.
I am going to try my hardest to change this, but I know to begin with I'm going to feel all wierd and transparent where I think that "oooo they know that im trying to get on top of things here" Maybe that's not such a bad thing cause at least then they will know that I am trying.

It's rather strange that before I had all these feelings I had a dream where My sister and I were in America drinking in a old fashioned saloon bar, something like in the 1920's and then later in the dream we stepped out of the bar which had been converted into apartments and we were in present day reality. (When I say 'present day' I mean it was sometime in the future...perhaps 4-5 years maybe) and We walked to Central Park and we were holding a Spirituality Fayre mostly connected to Angels, Faeries and Ascension. It was like a proper Mind Body and Spirit fayre but outdoors in the glorious sunshine. We were holding workshops together and seperately and also we were launching our very own Faerie themed oracle cards. My fabulously talented sister had created the imagery herself and I had created the messages and interpretations. The one workshop I saw us leading was where we were teaching the participants to work with our cards and the faeries.

When I told this dream to my Sister, she was like ~ We are going to be huge in America! She did say something else too, but I can't remember what exactly, I have a mind like a sieve. But I hope she still feels this way? I would love us to collaborate together on a project, that would just be amazing <3 So I am going to keep aiming for that...Hopefully we'll all be feeling much happier soon. I have never been to the USA before, but I would like to go one day...mainly for the *Sex and the City* Tour haha, but I'd also like to visit ...forgot the name!! (Told you, brain like a sieve!) So, the last word I'd like to say i'll let *a picture paint a thousand words* to those I love and to whom this blog post is dedicated to;

Healing the Past in the Present.

Im writing a book about my spiritual journey and one thing thats happening throughout my writing right now is that I'm having to exume my past from the Grave I quite happily placed it in. In one way i don't mind because it will help people realise how I got to the place I am today (which is no where magnificent I must warn you), but if I could chose to not go there I really wouldn't need showing twice the diversion.

Many of the issues that are coming to the surface in my writing are also coming to the surface in my own life, my thoughts and feelings are awakening again and have time travelled back there. I don't recommend it. But it must mean that I havent healed from that time in my life. So I have to try and work through these issues once and for all, 'cause I never want to have these feelings unearthed again.

What is "that time" in my life I hear you ponder, well it's my teen years, before I lost my Dad. Literally those two years that were spent at high school before I was home tutored. Basically I was bullied in my eyes quite badly, my own friends literally turned on me, it all happened like switching on a light, I was able to see and to be honest the view was not pretty. Suddenly my closest friends who had travelled with me through Nursery, Infant, Junior school and then expanded into a bigger groups of friends in High School, they suddenly turned on me. I was seeing people that I thought I knew, and I no longer knew them at all. To think you know someone and have that illusion ripped away is awful. It really makes you question yourself.

Anyway, over the years after completely losing my confidence and self esteem, I thought I'd laid those ghosts to rest. I've recieved to appologies from those friends who meant the most to me, the others, well to be honest, they can go to hell for all I care. I literally don't allow them to bother me at all. One of those friends who appologised to me, is still now a really good friend of mine, we're rebuilding that friendship we had. We're finding that we've changed...I think she had the biggest shock to find out Im a psychic witch who believes and talks to faeries (Haha, even I want to laugh).

I don't think im still hurting from who did what to me, I think it's the actual process of how it happened. the sudden change...perhaos not such a sudden change, perhaps they'd been changing from the person I knew into who they became long before I even realised. That's my theory. That's why I think it was such a shock. It was because I had allowed myself to only see what I wanted to see not what was actually there to be seen? Or was it? Could it have been that they weren't willing to show me who they truely were until they were ready to come out of the closet? Were they a werewolf that I'd only seen in daylight that I happened to have caught at midnight on the off chance?

You can tell I'm a lover of Twilight hey?

But seriously, those exact issues have come to the surface again, and I KNOW it's because I need to work on those issues. I don't know how, and I don't know why. I might just blame Mercury retrograding or even better, the Waning Moon that just so happened to bring up all this baggage for me to release, and heal.

Thanks for reading everyone, it's nice to finally get it out properly and begin to process it.