Cosmic Progression

Merry Meet,

I promised you all an update, so here it is.

At the moment I am sitting in my garden thinking about my life, which is all I seem to do at the moment, and thinking about what i've learnt from the book im reading called "Cosmic Ordering for beginners". The main thing I've leanrt and am beginning to accept is that I need to love myself (not in a egotistical way) and truly believe that I am worthy of goodness in order to be in the mindset to recieve goodness and love. Slowly but surely I'm beginning to like myself, love parts of myself, seeing my sensitivity as a positive thing, and also take steps to show the positive sides of my curvaceous figure.
I do still have doubts enter my mind, doubts that question whether or not I shall recieve what I desire, did Mr Plumber turn up as an answer to my cosmic order?? 95% truly believes he is my cosmically ordered soulmate, but 5% of myself doubts that. I know these doubts need to go becuase when I have a positive thought about it, it lasts 30 mins or so... the negative, doubtful thought can last hours....I need to combat it. At times I begin to dismiss the negative by thinking thoughts such as; "Everything corresponds to your list you created.... just trust it", "I am the creator of my life.... I can make it happen", etc. Now I'm not saying that I can make Mr Plumber fall in love with me, I wouldn't even try. But what I am saying to the Universe is that, if he is my cosmically ordered soulmate.... I'm ready to accept him.
I do keep going over and over our encounters... and the only conclusion I can come to from our behaviour, conversations, and actions... is that not seeing each other for 9 weeks.... has as the saying goes "Distance makes the heart grow fonder". It;s proved to me really that he wasn't just flirting 9 weeks ago, as he came back, and he still persisted with the fact that he likes me, and was by far the most caring and sweetest I've known.... example: I was being slightly moody with him and he said quite sternly..."What have I done to upset you, I want to know what i've done," I said "Do you?" (actually wanting to know if he actually cared, to which he replied "Yes", I then asked him how long he had for me to tell him, then he said quite lovely, "As long as it takes." I melted... LOL pathetic huh? well its how he makes me feel. I thought, if you want to know what has upset me and you're willing to say you'll make as much time as is needed.... you'd really work at our relationship, you'd be there.

Well, thats the ramblings of my thoughts.... thanks for reading.

Optimism

Merry Meet,

Well I'm feeling good about life (OK, slightly better). I'm still reading my book, and have ordered others from amazon so I can keep my good feelings flowing. I'm realising that I can choose to be happy or not happy. I kinda sumbitted an order to the cosmos the other day and included specific dates, and today well, an old "flame" kinda paid me a visit. Mr Plumber. (LOL) and I'm not sure if it was a coincidence or the cosmos but well to cut a long story short he says he's still interested in me and had my number off me. (The right number this time, ahem).
From my cosmic list he does match them, but anyway, time will tell, and then I shall tell you.

I'm also shocked at just how much weight I have lost, and it's actually spurring me on to keep going, so tonight and the weekend my Salsa DVDs are coming out and are going to turn my body into one a goddess would be jealous of...well here's hoping.

I'm ok today, just shocked by the return of Mr Plumber. Lets hope he's going to sweep me off my feet. I know inside that there is potential for us to be together, we're good together, we have great banter together but are both sweet underneath. I coudl imagine cuddling up to him after a hard day at work. ......

Cosmos..... it's in your hands.... just play nicely with my life please? Pretty Please :-)

Blessed Be

Lacking Energy in My Life

Hello,

When I first created this blog I did it so I could truly reveal who I am, the ups the downs, everything. Today's blog post is going to be true to that.

At the moment I feel that my life is lacking the energy to go in the direction I'd like it to. I was just thinking about my life and I realised that in the past 10 years the one time I've been truly happy and excited about life, enjoying life as I felt it was going in the direction I wanted it to, was when I was in my first year at college in a long term relationship with a guy called Craig. It was overall a good relationship that ended due to circumstances that we'd tried to work out. We had a life together and it was hard to end it. It was as close to married life that I've come to. I'll always love him, and love the relationship we had.

Since then I dated a few guys, one in particular was a squaddie, Dave. Yep, see I only have to say his name and I hear a thousand voices groan "Oh him!". At the time I thought I loved him, that I could marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. Upon reflection though, I can see that we were never meant to be, and I wholeheartedly wish i'd never let him into my life. He has done something to me that I never thought any guy would do. He has stripped me of all my self worth, my self confidence in who I am, and has made me come to believe that if he didn't want me, no body else ever will.

Now for the present feelings part.
I feel lonely, like i'm missing the other half of me. I know he's there somewhere and I know it's all meant to happen at the right time, but if I have ever needed to know that someone will love me, support me, and be there for me no matter what, it's now. I have wonderful friends, and i'm starting to get my career sorted. I'm at university, something I've always dreamt of doing. But at the times when an assignment is due and then when I get it back and feel that I should have done better to get a better grade....I wish he could be there to tell me that I "did well, and he'll help me on my next one as he knows how important it is to me" and the times when I get up on a morning and look in the mirror and actually see myself as being "pretty" and my deepest wish is that he'd walk up behind me and say "You always look beautiful to me"....
I really do feel ready to be with someone again.... but I feel I have set my standards so high (to protect myself from heartache as no one like that exists, only in Mills and Boon novels) that I'm not allowing anyone to enter my life. I must admit though, I do love the idea of a tall, dark handsome Italian, dressed head to toe in a black designer suit, gorgeous hair, smile that dazzles, that looks like a God..... I know, who doesn't.... but the thing is, I actually saw this guy.... he walked right past me a couple of summers ago.... he was mid sentence, caught my eye stopped talking and couldn't take his eyes off me.... a brief encounter with my dream guy. That was the day I actually decided that I could be that woman who has that guy...(with moments of self doubt arising quite frequently) I also decided that I would never dress head to toe in black anymore, the depression dressing had to go.... I need colour, first reds, then whites, now any colour I feel like. I also now dress for my body shape, to embrace the curves and not hide them. they are a part of who I am.

I have read all the books like "The Secret" and "Ask and you shall recieve" ...... done the things they suggest, even applied feng shui to my bedroom. He's still not here. Neither has my finances improved :-)

The Witch in me says cast a spell for prosperity, and cast a spell to invite "The One" into your life. Allow these things to come to you. Back it up by exercising so you feel great, wear clothes that make you feel worthy, tell yourself you are worthy, read the book suggested by a friend that is so clearly working :-D

Yet.... I'm actually scared that it won't happen, not for me. I know thats a big no no if you want to manifest something in your life. I know that, I scream inside myself that I need to think positive to get positive things in my life..... I'm my own worst enemy.

The stupid thing is, although "The One" would love me as I am..... I actually fear him not liking certain things about me......

The only conclusion I can come to is to listen to The Witch Inside myself.

Thanks for listening

Aurora xx

Hedge Witchling

Merry Meet,

Well today has been an eventful day. I managed to get into my garden and actually mow the lawn.... the reason I haven't had time to do it is becuase we have been having major renevation work done to the house and well, when you live on a building site for 9 weeks all you want is a tidy house and sleep.

There is still a long way to go in the garden, but it's a start. I feel like it's actually summer now as I managed to get my water feature working again. We also saw a big dragonfly which are my Mums favourite but scare me when they get too close. Quite a short and sweet blog post today, but some people would say the less I say the better lol.

Lammas Blessings

Merry Meet,

Lammas Blessings to you all!!

I hope you're celebrations have all gone well and have been enjoyable. I'm going to share with you all my celebrations.

Well 20 years ago today I was moving into my home with my parents, so today is our 20th anniversary of living in our home. I have achieved quite a lot in those twenty years from starting school, finishing school, going to college and now I'm currently at University. I've also learnt how to drive (Albeit I need to sit my practical test and pass now), I've begun working as a teaching assistant and managed to start losing weight. Along those journey's there have been sad times such as the passings of my Grandmother, Aunts, Uncles, Animals and most recently My Cat Ginger in Dec 09 and my Father in 04. I've also experienced many heartbreaks and disagreements with friends. But it's been a journey, my journey, and I am forever grateful that I have such a wonderful Mother who stands by me, supports me, shares with me and grows with me, as well as the wonderful friends I've made, one friend in particular has become like a sister to me, in fact I think of her as my sister and that is my dear Pixie. xxx. I thank you Pixie for all the support and help, along with love and friendship you've given me and I shall be forever grateful, I love you xxx.

With the help of my friends and my family I have begun to embrace more and more who I am, my true self, over the recent months. Especially in the past week or so I have felt myself emerge from a shell and I feel more empowered. Part of this is due to my strengthened passion in Wicca. I like the term Pagan, yet feel unsure as to whether I can call myself that, so I am happy at the moment with Eclectic Witch. To tie in with this I have been decorating my besom (Witch's Broom) today with Lavender; for relaxation, peace, spirituality and prophetic dreams, and Ivy to symbolise my commitment to the craft. Here's a photo of it;