Well I had better tell you what's been happening in my life in the past month. Writing it down might help me process it.
I've been on a rollercoaster journey in my relationship with my man. It was a nightmare. Not his fault, all mine. I accept full responsibility for everything that happened. Im not going to go into depth about it, it's far too personal. Needless to say, the past week or so has called me to really look at my life.
As you will be aware I have hardly blogged this year, in all honesty I haven't had the time to blog which breaks my heart. I have had less time to practice Wicca and something I am quite fond of is Moon Magick and Candle Magick. They too have been neglected. Actually the only part of my life that hasn't been neglected has been my work at the school, which has of course caused *imbalanced* areas in my life. :( This makes me sad!
Well, over the weekend My man & I went shopping for Yule/Christmas and I came across some books in a bookstore. He knows me well enough to not let me pass one by without browsing. He purchased a book on crystals for me that I haven't got which now lives at the side of the bed at his place, for when Im there. The other book that caught my eye was called "Total Kabbalah" by Maggy Whitehouse.
Now Kabbalah is a topic that I've heard about, witnessed in the media with the likes of The Beckhams and Madonna, but I've never actually read about it other than a quick read of a website page where I was introduced to the *Power of Money*. It encouraged us to actively question "Who or what gives *money* power over us?" After all it is merely paper and metal.... what if I gave you a blank piece of paper or even drew on it that it was a million pound/dollar note... would you believe me? Why or Why not? Its still paper.... !!! I loved this terminolgy and viewpoint.
Anyway, I spent a few sessions reading this kabbalah book and what ive read so far (which is minimal!) has really struck a chord with me. It's offering me a way to address, focus and find the areas in my life that are stuck and *fix* them. Now I know I don't need the permission from *kabbalah* or any other belief/life system to sort out my life, but at the minute with how *low* I am feeling, Kabbalah is giving me the strength to move forward. I have a new awareness and fresh perspective on life. I've ordered me some additional books on Kabbalah too, so Im looking forward to those arriving, and having a read. Im particularly looking forward to *God Wears Lipstick*.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't read a few paragraphs and suddenly life is perfect, far from it! I Have lots of issues that still need to be worked on, ones you'd probably not expect me to have, but Kabbalah has given me *HOPE*. So much so I have already sent off for my *Red String*. I don't necessarily belief a piece of red string is going to protect me from harm or the evil eye, but what I do believe is that it will help me focus on my life and creating a better life for me, and my future.
I know that as I walk into 2012, the Chinese year of the Dragon, the year I was born in, I know things will change, like never before. They have to because I will be in the driving seat. And Im not interested in driving down the highway at 80MPH, but Im happy to take the country roads at 20-30MPH for a change. I am NO longer the person I was when I first started this blog, for better or for worse, but I am who I am! People grow, people change. Its only natural. People come into your life for a reason, but sometimes they don't stay. They might out of a feeling of pity or because they feel they have to. But they/you/I shouldn't feel like that, there really is no need. So I am cutting strings. I have to. I can't grow otherwise. I thank those connections for what they have shown me, taught me, given me, shared with me, I bless and release us both!
My pathway with Wicca has changed. I'm not ready to let it go completely, but I will have to try again with it. I will have to take a day at a time and try to organise my life. I also need to allow myself to attract new friends into my life. I really do have hardly any. I have spent so much of my life holding back from trusting people that many have become people I speak to. I can't say that there is one person right now who truly knows me as a friend. Life happened and we drift apart, but the only reason we have drifted is because neither of us (multiple friendships im talking about here!) have taken the time and care to stay in each others lives. Not really. It's a case of being civil and polite, but the magick is no longer there, no freiendship chemistry... this happens in life, it's happened to me before, it'll happen again. it's a sign that we're growing as spiritual beings.
So maybe my next blog will inform you of more Kabbalah updates, and perhaps some Wiccan ones too.
Love & Blessings
Aurora x
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